My world turned upside down, as I went from an uber-busy life into a lonely retreat, a prison where I had to sit in silence and solve every trauma on my own that I had ran away from – all at once. It felt so Heavy.
As if that alone was not enough, I had to deal with the unjustified opinions and judgements from my environment. I felt like a black sheep, where everyone in my environment would constantly point their finger at me and shamelessly would tell me that I had no chance at succeeding in life. There was no compassion, no understanding, only judgements and insults. If they could only walk a mile in my shoes….
I chose my sanity and my emotional well-being over all the opinions and chose to find my own path instead. I have always been very certain that I had a life mission and that I would not leave this earth without that accomplishment. I dedicated my time-out to heal myself, solve my trauma’s and to find my life’s purpose.
It was not easy at all. I remember one day I was pushing myself so hard to write a letter. I would NOT fail. But I was completely empty. All the terrible insults from my teachers and my so-called friends would rush all over me. I lost my control, the anger attacks were insane. I have always believed so fiercely and confidently in myself, did I lose myself now? Were they right after all? The attacks were terrifying, really.
Instead of breaking the laptop, I chose to quite my mind. Not to think for a brief moment. That was the first time in my life that I heard a strong masculine voice talking to me. The voice grew louder and said:
‘’From this day on you will NEVER write any letter to any company again. Your life’s purpose and work will come to YOU, whenever you are ready – Untill then, all you have to do is focus on healing yourself and enjoying life as much as you can. After you have found your life’s purpose, you will wish for this moment of nothingness.’
The energy was so strong, but at the same time so comforting and protective. With the state of mind I was in, there was absolutely no way I could be mistaken that for my own voice. It was too strong to even comprehend all of it.
I was quite struggling with the part of Tarot being my calling to be honest. I have always had a very deep and strong bond with God and coming from an Armenian heritage, I did not want to let down God and my Faith. I don’t go with anyone’s opinion. Only God can judge me.