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‘’Knowing thyself is knowing how to use your power to create and manifest the life you desire.’’
It all started in Sweden. I was born and raised in Stockholm. By the age of 8 I moved to Amsterdam. With my Armenian/Turkish background, I learned to adapt to many different languages and a mix of cultural upbringings. At a young age I found my interest within collecting rare crystals and learning about the Milky Way.
I was very shy as a child and would barely speak up and I remember one time where I asked my teacher if there was any way we could get more information about the celestial planets. Her confused and distorted look made me feel very ashamed of my eagerness about it and thus… I let go.
With a bachelor in Communication Management (Amsterdam) and a master in International Fashion Marketing (Stockholm) I was determined to give my heart to the Fashion Industry. However, after experiencing many personal adversities, I ended up with a heavy burn-out instead and had to recover from a lot of trauma’s that I was suppressing by just overworking myself.
My world turned upside down, as I went from an uber-busy life into a lonely retreat, a prison where I had to sit in silence and solve every trauma on my own that I had ran away from – all at once. It felt so Heavy.
As if that alone was not enough, I had to deal with the unjustified opinions and judgements from my environment. I felt like a black sheep, where everyone in my environment would constantly point their finger at me and shamelessly would tell me that I had no chance at succeeding in life. There was no compassion, no understanding, only judgements and insults. If they could only walk a mile in my shoes….
I chose my sanity and my emotional well-being over all the opinions and chose to find my own path instead. I have always been very certain that I had a life mission and that I would not leave this earth without that accomplishment. I dedicated my time-out to heal myself, solve my trauma’s and to find my life’s purpose.
It was not easy at all. I remember one day I was pushing myself so hard to write a letter. I would NOT fail. But I was completely empty. All the terrible insults from my teachers and my so-called friends would rush all over me. I lost my control, the anger attacks were insane. I have always believed so fiercely and confidently in myself, did I lose myself now? Were they right after all? The attacks were terrifying, really.
Instead of breaking the laptop, I chose to quite my mind. Not to think for a brief moment. That was the first time in my life that I heard a strong masculine voice talking to me. The voice grew louder and said:
‘’From this day on you will NEVER write any letter to any company again. Your life’s purpose and work will come to YOU, whenever you are ready – Untill then, all you have to do is focus on healing yourself and enjoying life as much as you can. After you have found your life’s purpose, you will wish for this moment of nothingness.’
The energy was so strong, but at the same time so comforting and protective. With the state of mind I was in, there was absolutely no way I could be mistaken that for my own voice. It was too strong to even comprehend all of it.
I was quite struggling with the part of Tarot being my calling to be honest. I have always had a very deep and strong bond with God and coming from an Armenian heritage, I did not want to let down God and my Faith. I don’t go with anyone’s opinion. Only God can judge me.
My kundalini awakening started around that period. The frequency of my body was changing rapidly. It felt as if every week a part of my body was getting steamed up for something new. In the meantime I was being hit by random information by the universe and It felt as if I was in a maze, trying to put the pieces to the puzzle. I started to do research on all my symptoms and I stumbled upon the ‘Kundalini Awakening’.
After a long and heavy journey with many life lessons along the way, I literally came to the end my life’s chapter. I experienced, in a very unfair and unjust way, a near death experience. With the help of a very special and unique guide, I managed to get myself trough. A living proof there’s a God if you need a reason. My soul found her mission. 3 Months later I opened up my channel… to serve and illuminate the path to all who need guidance, humanity, compassion, love and understanding…
As I wrote down my Spiritual Journey today, I came to a painful awakening. Even though I am grateful and thankful each and every day for God’s Gift to me, no matter how far I have came in life, how strong I have been trough the turbelences, how successful I am, I have always felt as if I was missing something. Something I never felt missing before my rebirth experience. Well one must ask, right?
What’s the price you pay for this kind of heavy rebirths and kundalini awakenings?
My old soul. Me in my true essence. I am not the person I used to be. The funny me, the care-free me, the happy me, the outgoing me, the joker me, the always-in-connection-with-everbody me, the super spontaneous me, the quirky me, The life-of-the-party me, the beauty of naivety, me. I loved her a lot and I miss her soul everyday.
Thank you for reminding me who I have lost, in order to become who I am today.